Itapos;s not quite sunday but by the time i finish it will be. This one will
be depressing. A warning.
i need help. I really, seriously need help. I canapos;t stop myself from
crying, i cry every day, the smallest most miniscule things cause me to
break down, iapos;m doing horribly in school, iapos;m overwhelmed. I need help.
monday was a great day-everything went perfect. Woke up on the right side
of the bed, class got out early, got to hang out with my graphics kids,
second class got out early too, hung out wiht graphics kids more, ate
lunch with them, our football coach got fired, yada yada, great.
tuesday, class, the usual, sigma chi derby days (a greek week-wannabe type
thing) started monday so i had to go to the dance competition. We got 2nd,
shoulda had first. Adpi beat us. Gay. My design for gamma epsilon tau
(graphics honors) won for the hoodie. I was really excited about that.
overall, great day.
wednesday golf got out early, i ran some errands. Friday night was the
finals of the karaoke competition. I sang redneck woman and pwned the
competition. Won $500---it was the most exciting thing. Had an AWESOME
time.
thursday class, got out around 12, drove to spartanberg (about an hour) to
interview with a company copac. Interview went AWESOME, i think he wants
to hire me, EXCITING, yay. Great day. FCA at night was good-i prayed like
iapos;ve never prayed before.
friday. Friday friday friday. Friday i woke up at 8, got ready for another
interview but went to caps (the counseling place) to find out that my
fucking counselor is out of town. Stupid cunty hoe. First, they donapos;t have
enough people and the demand is so high that it took me 2 weeks to get an
appointment to begin with. So when i finally get an appointment itapos;s
friday mornings at 9am, awesome to start. THEN, we schedule me for the
next 3 weeks. And shes GONE the first one. I have it on a little schedule
card right in front of me. I was basically fuming. So i just went back to
my room, got my interview clothes on and left and got there early. This
interview was a little closer, went really well also. I basically got both
of them. Afterwards i met up with my parents (who are in town) and we went
to get my dress fitted for my sisters wedding. The dress is GORGEOUS, and
it fits me, a little big but itapos;ll work. So that was good news. Then we
had our dinner gala for AXO (raise money for a local womenapos;s battered
shelter) it was nice.
some guy out bid me at hte last minute and i was literally on the verge of
tears. I think he could tell, and he gave it to me. Itapos;s a gorgeous
painting of clemson, small, but gorgeous. So then when he gave it to me i
almost cried again cuz it was one of the nicest things someones ever done.
he said it went to a good cause. So my parents and i walk out of the
dinner gala and i break down in tears. Whatever. Afterward we went to rock
the john--the basketball teamsapos; first day of practice so we got to sit in
and watch em scrimmage. Kinda fun.
today i met my parents early we went to the GA tech football game, we
lost, but thatapos;s now to be expected. We fucking suck. Literally.
afterwards we finished up tailgating, and went downtown w/ aaron and his
dad. I like aaron. I miss hanging out with him.
anyways.
after that we went back to my hall and watched the michigan game on the
flat screen in our chapter room. I took out my homework and started
shaking because of my stress level. I donapos;t have that much, but i get
stressed from it SO badly.
my mom could tell and i practicaly burst into tears again.
and now iapos;m crying again writing this because i canapos;t fucking UGGHHH i
canapos;t even explain it.
so my parents and i go to dinner. One of the things we won at the gala was
this box of greeting cards--really adorable. I was gona give it to my
sister for her wedding present but my mom ont he way there told me she
wanted me to have it since we got it from my sorority. So then she says
she needs a sympathy card for her old friend from HS, trudy. I asked what
happened to trudy. Trudyapos;s 19 year old son (who i know) got a girl
pregnant. They made a mature decision decided to transfer to a community
school, moved in with trudy and had the baby. It came 2.5 months early,
weighed 2 pounds, died 10 days later. I broke the fuck DOWN when she told
me that. Ugh it just bothered me. That poor baby, those poor teens, poor
trudy GOAAHHD
then, we get to dinner. And my dad goes to my mom "did you tell meghan
about your operation youapos;re having this week?" and my mom gets all pissed
at him b/c i wasnapos;t supposed to know.
i knew my mom had surgery a while back cuz she like wouldnapos;t stop bleeding
but like i thought they fixed it.
why would she not tell me that? it like physically hurt my heart hearing
that she wasnapos;t going to tell me about it. And they never even told me
what it was, my dad just told me heapos;d email me when everything was okay.
iapos;m crying.
i just donapos;t understand. My mom and i tell each other everything, i
thought. I didnapos;t even have it in me to like confront her and tell her
that it hurt my feelings.
she knows iapos;m in like the biggest rut right now so iapos;m sure she was just
trying to protect me but jesus. Sheapos;s my mother.
like seriously, go back and read the description of my week. I had an
AWESOME week. I cried every single day.
the counseling services is pissing me off more than anything. Iapos;m like
literally crying out for help--i need help SO badly, like, i canapos;t stop
crying iapos;m just miserable. I mean iapos;m just MISERABLE, iapos;m balling my eyes
out right now i donapos;t even know why and iapos;m asking for help i
know iapos;m doing the right thing and theyapos;re just fucking me over. So i
think monday iapos;m going to call the director of the program and explain
everthing and be like what the fuck do you want me to do, and i might just
start seeing outside psychologists (more like psychiatrists cuz i
blatantly need some sort of medicine, iapos;m far too miserable to try and see
it through this time). The services at my school are free but if they
canapos;t even help me, why should i bother with them.
you get the drift of my week. I just had to get it out of my system. For
the next 10 minutes. After i shower and get in bed iapos;ll cry myself to
sleep, no joke. I wake up with puffy eyes every single fucking morning.
heeeelpppppppppppppp
k so clearly iapos;m miserable. I love you all. In the morning iapos;m skydiving
so my parents can watch me land, and then weapos;re going to church together.
itapos;s a new series dealign with women and i think itapos;s going to be really
interesting so hopefully it will help a little bit. And i can make it til
monday when i call those dumb fucks and have a fucking management test.
fucccckk mee. Adjfoweijfoiw ARGH
kbye
bulgogi house edmonton, frank rosenblatt, frank rosenberg, frank rosen, frank rose wired.
